WHO AM I?

So this is the new topic of my blog and this time I decided to put everything in one post. Ok trying to decide who I am, well I know who I am but then again when I was briefed with the new topic obviously I had to explore some other areas of myself and look deep within so I’ll be back tracking from the first briefing to now an discover what I figured out about myself or WHO I AM. While I do that I still have to come up with a practical component which has to be a garment that I made myself I think I know what I want to do but we’ll see

1 October 2012

Today was the first official briefing Lol, ok I say official because we where briefed the previous term on what to do but being the procrastinator I am I didn’t start then. Well this is what has to be discussed yes the topic is who am I? And it  its like looking at yourself in many different ways and figuring out the real you, well not something that sits well with me I hate sharing feelings and things I’ll normally bottle up everything. Well moving on so this supposes to be like awesome and like my blog name it’s a rediscovering process like having an epiphany. So for the first briefing the one we got before 4th and final term started was to do an alphabet with things that describes me. Soo I came up with a few I wont go through the entire alphabet but just a few things: F- for friendly I seem to make friends easily but then again I’m a C- commitment issues I don’t keep friends for very long periods of time but I got a L- Loyalty because I do have a few close friends that I’ve known for years and I’m defiantly still sticking with them, A- Adjustment I tend to adjust well with my environment I can be a chameleon at times can blend in but not always the case only when I’m S- shy being a shy girl you just want to blend in. I got another C- comfort zone when I’m in this I tend to be very lively and don’t mind being in the spotlight with this said I have a tendency for  I- indecision I’m very indecisive and this is a big problem for me because I’m a P- procrastinator and being indecisive does not mesh well together I still got another I-imagination I seriously have a wild imagination and that probably the reason my I am such a B-bookworm I totally love to read!!!  .... ok that was a few things about  me and my Rushing alphabet

4th October 2012

TANGLEY AND TWISTED

This is a reference to my pervious post. About my family dynamics and because I think that this is a post that describes some of my background and made me the person I am today if that sounds correct, I believe that everything that people go through get reflected into their present and their future. A lot of people think that the past should stay there but for me yes there are some things that I do not want to think about but if it was not for that I wouldn’t be where I am today, not this strong yet vulnerable person I am today. Yes with me there is a bit of a fire and ice stigma, but it’s because I know pain and wouldn’t want to feel that again but I also know what its like to be happy doing something you love and being with people you love. I can be a coward at time because I’m scared but most of the time I bring myself out of it, if I don’t ever try how the hell will I know what I’m capable of or not if I don’t take a risk. So because I have a support team behind me I can move on and because of what I went through at a  very young age I know I’m way stronger, maybe  went off base a bit I don’t know but suppose this is relevant.

6th October 2012

INDEPENDANT WOMEN

I believe independence is a character that does define me, in the lecture I know my lecture said that we have to make sure that a feeling or emotion or what you do doesn’t define who you are, but to me think that independence lives within me and maybe because I have a big ego that I don’t like depending on others maybe if I was truly honest its because I hate disappointment (who doesn’t). So I work for myself and if something needs to be done I’ll do it myself, but if I need help I can admit that I do, even thou don’t like asking for help. It’s just a part of me and this is something I like in me.

9TH October 2012  

FASHION

I am a fashion design student and it does not define me, its a part of me yes but its not who I am, I’m studying this because its what I love to do and always have since I was a kid and today I’m 20years old well 21 in four days (YAY) well I’m only 1st year and the reason for me only starting at this age well we go back to the alphabet lol indecisive person I’ve always wanted to do this but as you know the outside world lol is a very scary place and the influence of some people (Dad) not wanting me to do this but do management (come on what I’m a going to do in boring classes like that) although when I applied for fashion I made management my second choice, and I actually got accepted for both courses (go figure). Although for the 2years gap, I have been working in retail, was still in a fashionable environment and till today I’m working there even though I’m studying and pursuing my dream (independence loll).

Then we move to the actual fashion does clothing define me? No it doesn’t, but it doesn’t stop people, from judging you on how you dress or put a label on you. So for me I dress to what I feel good in even though I know its not what my parents like because I am a Muslim girl and I am truly trying to be a good one (please don’t judge). So to some extent I do dress with the influence they give. I actually asked a friend of mine what he thinks, I was discussing this assignment and through the question who am I at him and he went straight to fashion and this is what is he says ‘I don’t think fashion defines you. You really good at it and you have a great sense of style, but there’s much to you than just a pretty face in fashionable clothing, you have a passion for it and you express yourself through the clothes you wear.” Aww he is so sweet lol I’m even making him proof read this.

16 October 2012

Principles and Morals

Things that define a person to some extent is their principles and morals things they grew up with in believe In. These are things that I stick to and it seldom changes. Well I grew up knowing that I’m a Muslim girl and there are a set of morals that one should follow, so that plus my strict parents made me a girl who’s 21 don’t have a baby don’t smoke and don’t drink!!! Yay for me well to be honest I have tried smoking and drinking (due to peer pressure of cause) but I figured quickly that it’s not for me and due to my will power I will not go back to that ever.  

My practical components

So I decide (yes I decided it took a while) to make a dress/top from scratch and I’m taking my grannies dress and making me a top and a skirt.

Reason for me taking my grannies dress is to bring some of my gene into it and it symbolises what passes over the generations. Yet it has my own twist to it because its mine now and I am making these garments to wear. So even thou it was hers and it’s been handed down to me, it has some of her in it but I’m not her and I do have my own ways and the way I dress is different to what she does.

I took one dress and make it into a shirt and a skirt this is a symbolises my variety I’m not just one, there is a whole lot more to Rushana, I’m not just a fashion student like I’m not just a dress I don’t just look like my mom I got qualities of Dad as well. Its is white/cream lol which is innocence and me being an innocent young lady although its a brocade fabric which has many patterns all over shows all the many different paths I can move towards and the paths I’ve crossed and came from.

 

When I started this dress/top I didn’t have any pattern made or design, its because I wanted to take the journey blind folded like my life because I never know where I might end up if its going to be good or bad but I ended up with a dress/top and its a perfect reflection of what it means to just go with it and believe that you will make it work and that my attitude on life.

The dress/top I made is another symbolism of variety you can where it as a dress or a top, depends on your mood, because I’m an indecisive person, and its options that I like giving the whole fire and ice effect again (I’m indecisive but I like options). The fabric is chiffon and very transparent and has polka dots, the dots for me are black and it represents the many environments I’m always placed in such as work, home, campus, there is the chameleon effect and me adjusting. The transparency of it shows that through all my strong will I am a vulnerable person.

 

What I have discovered is that I am many personalities in one, taking one away its like stopping my heart and my body would fail to respond, I wont be who I am, it the crazy goofy girl, indecisive, procrastinator, lazy, headstrong, vulnerable, creative and insecure and more that make me who I am all of these became my organs and making my body function oh plus the way I look else how would you recognise me.

 

HandBag of Mysteries (practical)

For weeks now this blog has been up and it is finally time to put them all together in one item. as my blog as been mentioning my handbag, I'm ab it disappointed because what i had in mind is not really reflecting on the handbag but never the less lets move on.

the sketch for my handbag is very roughly done but gave me an idea of what i wanted to do.

I made my pattern and started to lay it out on the fabric which was actually my moms skirt that my grandmother passed on to her.

as the inspiration for the handbag came from the handbag i created for history which was hand made i decide that this one i will be sewing with my machines because my grandmothers are all seamstress or were seamstress.

as can be seen in the pictures that the bag has many panels and the inside is padded, this is because i wanted a more stable bag also symbolising the strength my family has when we all stick together.

There are many elements attached to the bag and starting with the button on the front of the bag which represents ME! I am this small button in the broader picture that is the bag, all this is what makes up where i came from and without that i cant be who i am today. I am also the key that holds the entire bag closed and all that can be revealed is the outer part and the part that everybody sees and knows but as you open up the bag more is being revealed as if the closer you get the deeper and more vulnerable i become, same as the button once you open up the bag you are more intrigued by what is inside and you forget that there is a button.


still on the exterior of the bag on top of the flap. would be a plaited rope that is in the shape of Africa. This map figure represents or symbolises where me and my family has lived out entire lives. The reason for it being in a plaited rope represents a type of railway line and seeing that as a child i have moved alot and lived in many different areas but all still in Africa.

There is a peace symbol at the front of the bag and this is exactly what it means peace, towards my family and friends, with peace in our lives we will always be happy.


The moon and star at the back of the bag should be self explanatory. It is the symbol of my religion which is Islam. I have been a Muslim ever since i was born.

As the back opens up, the first that can be seen is the pinkness of the lining, this symbolises the vulnerability that people discover the closer they get to me and my family. the fabric has many shades of pink and the lightest one symbolises the sister i lost and she was only 3 months old.

there are a few items in the bag as well which one is a feather, this is for the culture that i experience which is the "Kaapse Klopse". reason why i choose a feather was because my first year that I ever participated in this my grandfather made me a head piece with feathers in them.

There is a necklace as well which symbolises the last thing my father gave to me before he passed away. unfortunately its not the original one. the necklace has a feather on it but it is gold and to me it symbolises the fire that he was burnt it.


Inside the flap is heart cut out which means exactly what it is, a breaking heart something that my family has been through many times.

lastly we move on to the band of the bag this is a plaited string made from the denim and it has a plat of four pieces symbolising my four grandmothers the band of the bag is an exterior item but it can be hidden as well but once its out of the bag it makes things more convenient and easy. Also the tangled family tree.

This is where i came from and the people that influenced me to be the person i am today.

Back to salem

Ever had a black cat cross your path and think that you are doomed for the day?? That's totaly me... Yes I'm a very supporstitious, I believe in horoscopes, badluck, goodluck you name it. Im not like a freak or anything its just that I grew up with all this type of weirdness. Plus this whole black cat thing I do not know if its me but i always see them, and at the weirdess places ever, once on my way to work and i work in a mall, a black cat crossed my path in a parking lot, what the hell  are the cats doing in a parking lot,m and it was not just one time but a few. Then at campus on my way to class same thing happen but not in a parking lot it was more close to the trees, dont get me wrong i toata;y adore cats but that black cat is scarey especially at night.

The reason for me bringing thius topic up is because, since i was a little girl my Mom and granmothers use to speak of all these little things you need to do to keep the badluck away. Sounds to me now like we back in salem. well some of these things where, when you came home after 12am you need to enter your house with your back facing the door, reason it leaves all bad spirits behind (That still creeps me out at times.) another one is when you dreaming and you dream of a snake it means, theres filth or bad spirits, well not nessesarly spirits but maybe someone you associate with that might be out to get you. (till today i cant even look at a snake i think that one of my biggest fears.)

more to the "normal" situations is when a knife would fall a man is on his way or would enter soon. when a mirror breaks its badluck and beacuse I am a muslim girl before our prayer called Maghrieb (time of prayer when the sun is setting) all your windows and doors need to be closed.

some of these things might seem far fetcched but thats what i had to hear most of my life and till today they tell me these things. I was brought up with this so to anyone else it might be unusual but everybody has their own opinions. I enjoy having these little things being told to me and one thing my family always reminds me of is my gut feeling, "sixth sense" it comes on quite strong and when it does it seriously lives up to its name, i definiatly feel it in my gut because my stumoach feels like its doing a bunch of flips.

so well i trust in mine and it has never let me down. Gosh im in it deep LOL!!!

Location, Location, Location

when someone asks you the question "where do you come from?" the first thing that pops in you mind is where you where born and where you actually live.

I was born in Cape Town, Heideveld. the place where my dad is from. I have lived all my life in Cape Town and has never been anywhere else, But i do remember in my childhood we moved. I guess that is one of the reasons that my mom cannot find any of my baby pictures. What i remember most of the moving around part is that I tend to make friends easily but then we always had to move again and then it was time for goodbyes again. I think because of the environment I was born in, today is still make friends easily but most of the time the friendship never lasts. Its seldom that i would actually have a very close friend be it a girl or guy even though most of the time I would prefer having a friend that is a guy instead of a girl. Reason i grew up surrounded by guys, to brothers and most of my cousins are boys. I did have my tomboy moments but my inner girl shined the brightest over the years.

Think that can be another reason why its hard for me to be in a relationship, i tend to push people away, or never let them get too close to me, they always just see the top layer of me. Very seldom the inner me because that's the part that's the most vulnerable and I am so afraid of being hurt again, even thou all the pain that i have been through in my life saying goodbye to many different people, loosing family members I still turn out strong. does not mean it would hurt any less. Gosh I actually found the core reason for a problem I've been dealing with for a long time now.

The whole moving around thing was an environment I was born in i never choose it. I was too young to ever think of what that might have done to me. I do believe as well that you can choose the type of person that you want to be but it does not change your past.

firstly lets start with my handbag things arent going that well with it, for the past few days I have been searching for fabrics to use but could not find anything that I liked. Well I did come up with a solution and that it is to use things from my closet and start cutting them up and incorporating them into this handbag. I think that this way it would be a more personal item and truely reflect the message. For the basis of the handbag I'm using  an old skirt of my mom. It is actualy somthiung that her mom gave to her couple of years back. I would realy have loved to use more items that belong the rest of my family but my time is ruuning out. For now though i think im sorted.

The skirt is made of denim and and would be easy to work with fingers crossed that I'll get it done, because in a few hours I have to go to work....

Culture & Tradition

When reffering to cutlture and trandition we first have to move back a few years where most peoples heritage lie and that is in the Appartheid years. Both my mom and dad was a part of that generation and it move further to my granparents of both sides. I am a coloured girl both my mom and my biological father plus stepfather are all coloured. My parents, parents where a big part of the Appartheid era and being of coloured skin their lives was not as easy as we have it today, everybody knows what life was for the coloured community in those years not to say that the blacks and indians never had tough times as well but to have people being grouped like that today its still there but not as dominant as it was back then.

From my mother and father both are cape Malay, but my mom had more culture in here background than that of my father. my grandparents grew up in the famous DISTRICT 6, and this was a place witha a community of its oen in which dance, music and celebration strived. This was the time when the Cape town coons was born. Better known as the "Kaapse Klopse" as well as the Cape Malay choirs. Every year, more than 13 000 brightly dressed minstrels would parade through the streets of Cape Town. this event began in th 1800s when Malay slaves celebrated the one day a year they did not have to work.

To think that my granparents grew up in this period and left a legacy because till today the Cape Town coons parade the streets of cape town every start of the new year.

this was one of the best cultures that was paston from generation to generation and the best thing about it is that any age group could join, when my mom was younger she  paraded in the this and was one of the marching girls and a  few years back i was one of  those girls. it was so much fun and even better knowing that most of your family was with enjoying the occations. I'm just bummped that we cant find any of the pictures and the videos as well.

today though things has chnaged, so sad that nothing stays the same.

Tangely and twisted

Before I continue with my actual post I do need to explain the meaning behind my blogs name. "Breaking Shells" not a literal meaning but more the fact that this blog will be breaking the barrier/ wall thats surrounds me, the wall preventing me from expressing my true nature, feelings, emotions. especially on a social scale. I am a shy person and tend to keep things bottled up inside so for me to break that shell of mine and let the bottle burst but not in the exploding kind but more the fireworks type of bursting. So while I'm studying this particular subject and doing  this blog its the first step I'm taking to be a much more opened person. Definiatley on a path to rediscover myself.

lets move on to the actual post.

Tangley and twisted, what a way to describe my family tree! well my previous post I stated that I have four grannies well its true and i do acknowlege them all I was quite young when all this started but  lets start at the begining.

so my fathers mother which is my first Granny that is granny number one. My mothers, mother would be granny number two.  so Granny number one and Fathers, Father had a split in there relationship (devorce). and Grandfather decided to remarry, magicaly devloping a third Granny. For most of my childhood I remember having three grannies and I use to have sleep overs at all of them, well it would not have been just , me I have two brothers one older and one younger than me, yes i am a middle child. Suppose that could explains alot. it would be my brothers and I including some of my cousins. My family was a close knitt family and we did many this together. Today thou all has changed I seldom see granny number three and between my studies and work I hardley have time. Getting to granny number four, when i was about 9 years of age i lost my father.

He died at a young age and in a very horrible way, i wont share much it is very sad to even think about it because not long after that I lost a baby sister, actualy it was 3months after my fathers death. Well i suppose I have to mentions more details this assignmenet was looking for depth and  I do believe that experiencing all this death at a young age has made me a part of who I am today. My fathers death too as i remember it was frighting, well anyone would think that. The parts that i do remember of this particular night  was that I had chicken pocks and was in bed Mom was in bed aswell. Then all of a sudden my uncle came running in and waking Mom saying that my father was burning i did not think at that time that my father was actually on fire. Turns out that he was and in his car that was burning. After that all i remember was that he didnt die then and he came up into our house and everything was black and gray his clothing was burned on him and everything was horrible. Just thinking about it now im tearing up and imagening how much pain he must have been in. (this is one of my most personal moments in my life and i hardley share it with anybody, but this is a jounery that i'm taking and i had to share it.) I have been through tough times my entire family has but I do believe that through the years we learned to move on and the tough times makes one a stronger person.
moving away from the sad and into an enlightment,  my mother met a guy and got married. That is when me and my brothers were granted with a StepFather automatically granting me with granny number four. All of them have been a help to me throughout my life and even though two of them has husbands the women in my family are all Independant and i do appluade them for it plus that was a major influence on me because i believe i am as independent as they are.

INSPIRATION

Inspiration is a term that is constantly used... in everyday life and especially with creative people. Myself as a Fashion student has to draw inspiration somewhere and seriously it comes from practically anything. The best place for me to find that "spark" would have to be nature. The world is so beautiful out there waiting for someone to admire its beauty. Its weird sometimes while walking something would catch my eye and i could be amazed by it. sometimes I would try and capture the moments and this is what i end up with. Bad quality i know.

The inspiration for my practical component was not nature related but more to do with what i do best. Last term in history class for my practical component I had to create a handbag, but it had to be hand stitched. I got the inspiration from my history assignment to create this handbag but definitely with alot more detail. this is the bag i made for my history assignment.

another point of sewing/ constructing a handbag is that sewing is something that defiantly runs in my family. well I have a huge family tree so let me just mention the fact that all four of my grannies has a knack for sewing (four grannies yes I'll elaborate on that next post). This was what i grew up with and well even though my mom does not sew at all, but she does have three sisters and a mother that does sewing. well she is the odd one out, well not that my mom does not have any creative talents, she knits really well and none of the three sisters are gifted in that area. so maybe not the odd one, really bad choice of words.

so I was raised in an environment filled with all these talented dress makers and suppose the inevitable happened, i wanted to do the things they do. This was brought on to me at a young age and yes during the course of my life I considered going into different fields of study one of them being an accounted, then phycology, and well my heart was always set on a more practical side of life. So today I will honour them and create my handbag with my family of creative people in mind.

Decision has been made!

“Do what you love"... I suppose that’s the motto I live by. but things are never that easy, I’m studying fashion I love creating things, I love drawing even though I’m not the best at all of these things but I do love to do them. Problem is I never knew that this field of work is that much work I was totally in for a huge surprise. Well good thing is imp still here the year is almost over and well I’m coping lol... yes coping not excelling. One thing I’m not and would never want to be is a quitter. My family raised me to stay till the end and that’s what I will do. Best thing is to have support from family and friends and I am very privileged to have both.

I’m always a late bloomer, well my nice way of saying that I’m a huge procrastinator, and a very indecisive person. soo I blame my indecisiveness for me only starting on my practical component now. I finally made a decision on what I’ll be making and hopefully i stick to it (finger cross).  for the past few integral classes my brain has been taking in account all this new form of being creative and expressing oneself in a many different ways. honestly that’s not me soo its a huge step to do everything in public and have someone read the real you, which is Me. even though its totally out of my comfort zone you have to face new things sometime in your life and why cant that day be today? Well it can.

soO getting back to my practical component I shall be creating a handbag. Yes not very original but to me a handbag means everything, its right next to my cell phone and make-up lol. This is something I carry around with me everyday and within it are my belongings/ baggage and everything that I need to get through the day. The making of the handbag would be a process and each aspect of the handbag would symbolize a person or a period in my life. It would be awesome to see all these elements coming together as one whole unit. The headings or elements that would be discussed are the same topics we discussed in class a few weeks ago (like i said huge procrastinator).  Here are a few two pictures I took of the brainstorm of topics we did in class.

as can be seen there are a few topics and I intend on addressing them all.

What makes me, ME!

Oh yes! I know I only have one post, but that should change, well honestly I did not know what to post about. I’m supposed to be addressing the topic "where do I come from?" and well I do not know it’s quite sad that I don’t know my heritage. Firstly to me it never mattered and I was ok with it. Because all that mattered to me was living in the present and whatever happened in the past would stay there. Thing is my parents never spoke much about it to me or maybe I wasn’t all that interested in it, but never the less all shall be revealed in due time. Well its not that I am completely at a lost, I know I’m a Muslim girl/women and I have one huge family. Some of them I hardly know you only see them at weddings and funerals. Well so my religion actually does a play a huge part in where I came from, it's something that I never choose for myself I was born into it. Well if I had the choice now I wouldn’t change a thing. This is what makes me, ME!

Getting started...

soOo i suppose this is it im a blogger now... well fisrt things first this is totaly new to me and I ask that you please bear with me. I may be a huge bookworm and suppose that would make one a good writter. well no it doesn't im the living proof. but i do believe in trying, never know what might come of it. none the less this would be a good journey that i plan ontaking (yes i'm doing it). so the big question is WHERE DO I COME FROM??? I cannot answer that as easily as I thought i could but no worries as i blog about everday life, I know somewhere along the line i'll figure it out.